Synopsis:
One glance was all it took…
I'm a cheater.
I'm a liar.
My whole life is a mess.
I love a man.
No, I love two men…
I think.
One makes love to me. The other sets me on fire.
One is my rock. The other is my kryptonite.
I'm broken, lost, and disgusted with myself.
But I can't stop. This is my story.
My broken love story.
My thoughts after reading...
Wow...😳 Like... Wow.
I don't know where to begin. Honestly, the story left me entangled with all sorts of emotions... Confusion. Anxiety. Disappointment. Hurt. Pity. Happiness. Relief... Its just so weird how my chest ached after reading the book. It kinda' left me in a state of.....wonder...contemplation. Hell, I don't know what the accurate word is...but its somewhere along the likes of those. (sigh)...
I've read great reviews about this book & had it for a long time but I've been putting it off. I knew this will be an emotional-read and I guess I just wasn't ready...until last night. I bit the bullet...and finally started reading page after page, and lemme' tell ya, I couldn't fucking put it down...well not until I unwillingly dosed off at 4am, but still, its been a while since a book had me hooked and anxious...and tied me in freaking knots.
So....
This book is indeed a story about broken love... It tells us the story of Ben, Cathy & Arsen... Yep. At first I didn't really get the title. I thought it was some kinda' unique urban-slang or a place somewhere here on Earth that I don't know about...anyway...
Honestly, I'm torn about discussing this story, as I may accidentally give out spoilers for those who hasn't read it yet...but I'll try my best not to... okay... So...
Ben & Cathy are married...have been together for 4years & married for 6years...so there's a lot of history there. They've been having some pregnancy problems for a couple of years now... Every pregnancy always ends up in a miscarriage... And the last straw was the 4th one...which led Cathy in a downward spiral and frankly---friggin' nuts in my own opinion, but who am I to judge, really? I'm not in her shoes and I don't really know how she feels...so I just try to empathize...anyway...
So I try to empathize with Cathy and her situation... Of course, its only normal to be depressed. I know how much she wants a baby, and to finally add to their little family of two. And I understand...her withdrawal from herself, from her husband..from the world. I mean, I know whats it like to be an emotional recluse because of hurt, self-pity... that overwhelming sense of achiness....a void, that sometimes seems just too much to bear. Like I said I felt sorry for her & and for Ben.
They say the key to any successful relationship is communication... to understand the other... and probably even reach a compromise, if there is a headlock... just to avoid resentment and other problems.
Due to Cathy's predicament, and her & Ben's lack of communication and understanding, she sought solace and comfort somewhere else... Its true, she doesn't deserve Ben... And after everything they've been through, she still chose to carry-on with the lying, the cheating... I know Arsen was described as one hot piece of ass but so was Ben! My gosh! I wanted to go inside the book to yell at Cathy & slap her silly... I know she was a potent ball of emotions but dude, come on! I mean really? Didn't she stop to think that maybe Ben was, or is, feeling the same way she does? That he's just trying to be strong for the both of them?! After all, it was his baby too... It was also his loss... Because, really? What will happen to them if he joins her in her pity-party?? Of course someone has to be strong... And hopeful.
And as for Arsen...Well..I made a mental list of choice-words for him but "asshole" sums it all pretty much. His approach is strong and thrilling, and quite frankly I'd be flattered & be knocked-off kilter myself if someone pursues me with such raw intensity... but Cathy is married, and their problem isn't as if Ben was a bad husband...it was all Cathy... And he knows how vulnerable she is. He knows her self-esteem is at her lowest...but of course, Arsen, being the poster boy for "douche'baggery" , took advantage of that... and Cathy, letting her resentment and self-loathe take-over, gave in...
Like I said, I'll keep an open-mind... So setting aside my prejudices and biases, I tried to see things through the eyes of each character and understand them...
Ben, is a wonderful husband...I think he's a saint for putting up with Cathy. He's one in a million... He has God-like physical features, intelligent, successful, loving and friggin faithful for crying out loud! I mean where in the world will someone find such a treasure?? I tell you where...In a parallel universe, thats where! I know I'm obviously on Team Ben...and I guess his only fault is that, he should've learned to listen more... Sometimes, all a person really need is someone to listen to them...
As for Cathy... I guess being an emotional-wreck makes one selfish and to some degree, stupid and rash... I understand that part about not having someone who really understands what she's going through & not having someone to just listen to her and let her be... But I'd never condone the cheating. It was deliberate. Cheating on someone like Ben, is like taking a hammer and knocking your own head with it.
And as for Arsen... Well I guess he isn't really 100% bad. I mean yes, he did pursue a married woman but like they say, it takes two to tango. And no matter how much he pursues her, if she didn't relent, then there would be no affair to begin with...Anyway... He fell hard. He set aside his sense of propriety and just went for what he wants... As brazen and insensitively-selfish his way was, what he did really took guts... She was the love of his life... and because he is someone capable of love, he isn't 100% bad. Love makes people do crazy things.
Man oh man... Their love triangle is just as intense and heart-wrenching as River-Dahlia-Ben from Torn by Kim Karr; Michael-Claudia-Austin from The Crossroads Saga by Mary Ting; and Gavin-Emily-Dillon from Pulse by Gail McHugh.
I love the story. The story is as real as real life itself---people cheating on a perfectly good relationship, depression brought about by fertility issues... the selfishness...the blindness... etc. I recommend reading this book. I loved it! Its a story about acceptance and second-chances... I'm just glad the story didn't leave me so....gutted. And folks, I'm pretty sure I'm having a book-hangover.
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